Digging Dandelions, Pulling Weeds

Compulsive Busy-ness

2009-12-21T19:02:00.000-08:00

Busy, busy, busy days! I have two weeks off of work, and as usual, I seem to feel compelled to spend it catching up/getting ahead on household chores. But I'm done for the day, so it's time for a hot bath and some knitting.

The big news around here is that C and I are trying to get pregnant, without much success. We have wrestled with this decision for most of the years we've been together, and prayed and prayed about it, and finally it was right. I swear, I expected to get pregnant right then and there, as soon as we said the words, lol. But it hasn't happened as fast as I imagined...we need to get scientific about this.

Anyway, I have decided to "take control" by eating as if I was pregnant already - at least this way I can feel like I'm doing something. Vitamins...I should take vitamins, too.

Here is a random picture of some strange bugs my husband took, while he was working. I don't know what they're doing - mating? hanging out? Perhaps the big one is the little one's momma, or maybe it's fixing to eat the little one...anyway. For your viewing pleasure:

Snapshot Sunday

2009-11-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

I am shamelessly lifting this from someone else's blog, who lifted it from someone else, etc. - just 5 random scenes from my house this Sunday.

Mice are dueling...

Bad guys are getting what's coming to them...

Laundry is drying...

Bread is rising...

And kitties are napping.

Not a bad day at all.

I Think I Found the Problem

2009-07-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

This picture just seems to represent how I'm feeling these days. Head down in a toilet is not good, but if you've found the problem, perhaps it's a start.

I've been trying to reach out for some positive changes. I went to a 12-step meeting, which was a bit of an eye-opener. It was OA-HOW, though, and I don't know if that will be right for me. I'm cautiously optimistic, however. Also, C and I watched this movie at church, and it was really revealing, at least for me. We've been trying to work on our relationship. And, I think I feel healthier, mentally, when I spend part of my time in service to others, instead of all of my time obsessing about myself. I went up to my mom and dad's house this weekend and helped them assemble/install some garage storage - that was good. And since my only true skill seems to be organizing, I've also offered to help someone at church, who has some physical limitations, with some organizing.

I started reading Isaiah - I have been confused and disturbed by this book in the past, but this time is different...thoughts are just falling over one another to get written down in the margins!

I am grateful for:

1. C - when I got home yesterday, he had dropped off the recycling, made the bed, done his laundry (and R's), and the kitchen was not bad. Then when he got home, he mowed and edged, and helped in the garage. This was amazing and different.
2. The gift of summer school, and the stability it's giving to our finances.
3. Mom and dad living so close now.
4. Coffee
5. Pets
6. God

Resurrecting the Blog

2009-07-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off a blog post because I don't have any fun new pictures to add, but this morning I was overcome with the urge to write. I suppose I can come back and add pictures later!

I'm really struggling with the dichotomy between the desires of my higher nature and my inner selfish, greedy lazy person. I want to clean with natural, safe cleaners, eliminate plastic, minimize my sugar intake, and eat a local, sustainable, natural diet. But I have a mold problem in my shower, and I love fast food and junk food, and when I'm rushed or panicked or overwhelmed, I will just start throwing things away. I love neatness and order, but I'm such a perfectionist that when I get overwhelmed I avoid certain areas in my house/life, and they descend into chaos. I will read my Bible every day for weeks, then avoid it for months. I am passionate about my faith, but uncomfortable and awkward when I pray.

What kind of person am I? I'm a frugal spendthrift, an organic junkfood-junkie, hard-working and idle.

It's hard to reconcile my ideals of they way I want to live with my finances and time limits, but that's not the real obstacle: it's me. As soon as I make a commitment, I start to feel caged by it. Maybe I'm some sort of addict, in that respect. I love these shows like "Intervention" and "Sober House," about people living with and trying to overcome their addictions. I feel an odd kinship with them. Dr. Drew once said that "addicts need rules because they need discipline." I think that describes me, too - if I am solely in charge of keeping myself on track, I will "give myself a pass" far too often, until all my commitments have been so broken as to become meaningless.

It feels weird putting all this out there on my blog, although I'm slightly comforted by the fact that no one reads it anway. Putting all these thoughts out there into the world feels like forcing honesty on myself. Maybe I'm doing my own intervention!

completely wasted day

2008-11-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

I had a million things to do this Sunday...clothes to wash, soup to make, papers to grade...I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to get busy.

Then I did this:

(the husband, the son, the wildebeast, the park)

Then spent the afternoon doing this:

(note the baskets of unsorted laundry, including the one I'm using as a footstool)

And then I contemplated my gold velvet thrift store sofa...$95 well spent, I firmly believe:

Perhaps my new anti-depressant is working too well...

like Lazarus, my blog rises from the grave

2008-10-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

A million things have happened since my last post...the thought of blogging them all is so overwhelming it makes me want to quit, but I'll try to hit the highlights:

M graduated from High School, and I went to his graduation up at his dad's in New Jersey. My mom, sister, and I spent the next day in New York, where I annoyed them by doing things like taking pictures of the "Soup Nazi."

I painted the laundry room green and colored my hair red (I have yet to take pictures of either).

M went to college, and leased his first apartment. I tried to teach him to drive a standard first, but we both forgave each other afterwards.

I started my new job, teaching 9th Grade English on a High School campus, where I've spent the last 3 weeks immersed in The Odyssey with my young scholars.

We had a hurricane (Ike) and lost power for 16 days, as well as a tree, a fence, and part of the garage ceiling; on a more positive note, we found two pieces of the "Half Price Books" sign in our yard.

I have a million things to write about but can't get any of them out at this exact moment, which is maddening.

More later!

It's like a temple or something...

2008-05-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

So I was standing in the middle of Barnes and Noble with a friend, clutching my tall unsweetened Tazo Passion iced tea, and had a surreal moment. Frank Sinatra playing on the in-store music system, the dark woods, the club chairs, the artfully arranged displays: all of them were calculated to inspire me to purchase something that Booklist had labeled "a breath-taking tour de force" or Publisher's Weekly considered to be a "sexy page-turner." I was having a Carefully Constructed Corporate Experience.

I am so oppressed by the mountain of STUFF in my life. I look around my home and it just depresses me...everywhere I turn my head, my eye falls on THINGS that I am responsible for. I must clean them, maintain them, dust them, organize them, preserve them, insure them, protect them, put them away after other people use them. THINGS. Things have taken over my life. I want them gone. But yet I love them. I feel so ungrateful...I should feel lucky to have all this crap, and instead I just resent it for taking over my life. I have to deal with my THINGS, and my relationship with STUFF.

**isn't this post ridiculously naive? like I don't know this stuff already...it just seemed really intense today

Pay Attention During Communion, or, How to Look Like a Retard at Church

2008-05-25T22:24:00.000-07:00

So, we have this young, hip assistant priest at my church. He got a new, shorter haircut recently, and during communion I noticed that he has elf ears. My mind began to drift, wondering if he really was an elf, living in anonymity amongst us human folk. Perhaps he'd been exiled from Underhill, or he was in hiding. At this point I realized:

1. I read way too much fantasy fiction, and
2. He had offered me the wine twice while I was daydreaming.

Ouch!

Dangerous Flowers, Kitties, and TV Sets

2008-05-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

So, this Sexy Alien Flower is blooming on a trellis in one of my flower beds. I wasn't sure what it was, but my mom thinks it's a Passionflower. It looks like it might eat you if you turned your back on it. The little tendrils on those vines just whip out and curl around anything nearby...including the ash tree above and my hydrangea. I keep having to free them and put it back on the trellis. No no, bad plant!

Speaking of bad...Bad Karma finally turned up. My husband's cat is a unique creature, never shy about scratching the hand that feeds her. She was missing for several days, and I was starting to hope that she'd fulfilled her purpose here and moved on, but she turned up this morning. I'd even gone so far as to cross "kitty litter" off my shopping list, too. Oh well.

C and I are decluttering, in an effort to save our marriage. We took a huge step this week, and removed the television from our bedroom. The dresser looks naked! This is going to be better for us as a family, I can already tell. (We put the TV in M's room, so he can watch it when he comes home for the summer.) C made progress in the garage and sold a table saw on Craigslist. I've been bagging up clothes and other items for our yard sale. R decided we can move all his Legos to the attic. We're on a roll!

then Job arose...

2008-05-18T06:46:00.000-07:00

So, lately I've been very depressed. I don't think it was caused by any one particular thing, but I've reached some sort of crisis point. Last night I told my husband if we had one more crisis, I would have a nervous breakdown...I simply would not survive. I don't know if this is true or not...even when I think I'm on empty, I usually manage to squeak through somehow. But it was how I felt at the time.

It was a weird day; I felt as if I were drunk or underwater. I kept partially dozing off, kept feeling like I was about to cry or vomit or something. It got a little better after I went to bed. I've been neglecting my spiritual life lately, being sleep-deprived and all, but last night I had this random urge to read Job, which wound up suiting me very well indeed.

I know, I know, it sounds like I'm wallowing in misery. But consider the following:

1. Job is pure poetry...good poetry always improves my state of mind.
2. Job was definitely in worse shape than me...perspective always helps.
3. When you're sad, you don't want to read something happy...it will just annoy you. Reading something dark allows you to validate your feelings and begin to move through them.

I did feel sorry for Job's wife, though...SHE lost everything, as well, but HE was the one with the luxury of wallowing in the ash pit. No one came from Idumea to comfort HER! Typical guy.

I have fleas...

2008-05-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do. Isn't that disgusting?

I know, you're thinking, "She means we have fleas, in the sense that her family has a problem with fleas on their pets." This is indeed true, but it's not what I meant.

I have fleas.

Once we realized the dogs had fleas, we treated them, but making the dogs inhospitable to fleas caused the fleas to migrate elsewhere. I was absent-mindedly scratching my head while rereading The Deed of Paksenarrion for the 800th time, and came away with a (living, struggling) flea trapped under my fingernail.

One hot shower and two thorough shampooings later, I am still suspicious of any little itch, imagining phantom tribes gamboling through my hair. Sheets! I will change the sheets. That should do it...

You're probably wondering how we could afford the flea medicine, after all my whining?

I'm glad you asked...I purchased a single application of Frontline for dogs 132 lbs and up on e-bay, from an enterprising businessperson who had clearly bought up boxes of it, separated them, and shipped them out with a glass vial, a syringe, and printed instructions on exactly how much to use for dogs of various weights. It was enough to treat all 3 of them, with enough left over for next month. It cost $24, including shipping.

Off to strip the bed!

The Predictable Vegan Food Post

2008-05-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

...because I can. And because if I'm going to wash all those dishes, I want something more to show for it than a happy plate.

This is a Veganomicon recipe, and it's typical for Isa...a million steps and a huge pile of dishes. It was worth it, though. First you roast Anaheim peppers for the sauce, then make the lime & cumin saturated kale-potato-pumpkin seed filling, then assemble and bake. I cheated and added a little FYH Monterrey Jack. We had it with avocado, some yellow rice (I threw in some onion and green and red peppers while it was cooking), and spicy black beans. And Ziegenbock (thanks, Craig!)

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We've been working in the yard a lot lately, and the more time you spend outside, the more likely you are to notice things like Lizard Sex:

See, it took me four whole posts to do something inappropriate!

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On the Financial Front, I did my grocery shopping with cash and stayed on budget, managing to spend just under the planned amount for the week ($100). By virtue of avoiding almost all processed foods, cooking from scratch, and never eating out, I managed to once again provide my family with fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, organic milk/non GMO soymilk, and non-torture eggs (the milk and eggs are for The Boy).

Food and household goods are costing more and more. We aren't eating that much differently, but I have found myself changing some of my cooking habits in order to keep things the same, and each trip it seems like there's something I have to swap out or skip. The only real "snackfood" I buy is saltine crackers. Organic produce and Luna bars were the first things to go. Then Ross's lunchbox yogurt smoothies went from organic, to non-organic, to cups of store-brand yogurt instead (this week). I quit buying Morningstar Farms crumbles and switched to TVP. I've been making a lot of seitan, and experimenting with different veggie burger recipes instead of buying them. Making cookies instead of buying them. Making my own cereal (it's just muesli, but we really like it). Oh, and this week I went official on making my own bread...basic whole wheat is up to $2.25 a loaf. I need to get into a routine on the breadmaking, so we don't run out.

I have plans to make my own laundry soap, too. And we planted a garden (a garden that is apparently very romantic, if you're a lizard). Maybe I should entice Craig out there...

back again

2008-04-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

Like a bad relationship that I left for very good reasons, I've drifted back to Walmart. I know it's not good for either of us, but at least I know where everything is. :(

With the recent addition of crippling medical expenses for The Boy, we've had to make some changes/cutbacks here at the dandelion house. Organic apples? Gone. Maple syrup? Still here, but I'm not sure for how long. Organic milk? Yes, I'm unshakable on that one. Over the last 14 years, I've noticed a phenomenal increase in the number of boys with "chi chis" at the middle school where I teach. Even kids who aren't fat have little nubbins messing up the line of their shirt. I'm not exposing R to all those hormones...he has enough problems.

However, I was forced by finances to return to Wallyworld this weekend. They truly have the Low Prices. I stayed away from impulse purchases, however...despite the cute pajamas they had blocking the aisle in a big display. It was like those pajamas were attacking me with their cuteness, forcing my cart to go around them and avoid their grasping clutches. I wanted those pajamas.

Walmart does this to me...HEB doesn't have pajamas. I also avoided the entire clothing and household goods areas...no disposable t-shirts, plastic cups for summer, etc. I was going to make my own laundry soap, using a recipe I found online, but I had a couple of issues:

1. You have to let it gel overnight...I was in the middle of doing the laundry and not prepared to wait 24 hours, since I line dry my clothes and have to get this stuff finished up in time for the work week.

2. It makes a couple of gallons, using the smallest recipe I could find...I have nowhere to store a couple of gallons of homemade detergent, which would thus require the purchase of a container just for that purpose.

I went ahead and bought another 100 oz bottle of Walmart laundry det (see, I went there a few weeks ago, too...I just hid it. Like cheating with an old boyfriend.) I'm still going to make the laundry soap...once this bottle is emptied, I will have two 100 oz containers, perfect for storing it. And in the meantime, I was guiltily able to finish my laundry on schedule.

In fact, I must go put it away, and iron something for church.

Friday Night

2008-04-25T18:25:00.001-07:00

we're party animals, I swear. First my husband and I made pizza with the in-laws, and now I'm looking at lolcats on the internetz.

I was actually worried about the pizza...we're vegetarians with vegan sympathies, and my in-laws are fairly traditional. I'd made some "sausage" style seitan earlier in the week to put on the pizza, and I knew we would like it, but I wasn't sure about serving it to omnis. However, they were good sports about it.

The pizza was awesome, btw...I made the crust in my breadmachine (lazy), used tomato paste instead of sauce (tangy), and covered that with a layer of fresh green and purple basil and a few fuzzy oregano leaves (garden). Then some cheese (dairy, b/c of the in-laws) and the sausage seitan. It was yummy...I wish I'd taken a picture of it!

I will add an lolcat, because now that I have a blog, I can:

my first post

2008-03-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

What to say for a first post?

I named this blog because my husband likes to mock my weed pulling ways. I should hate weeds, the way I pull them out of my yard, but I secretly love them. Whenever I see a "broad leaf weed" poking its arrogant head out of my flowerbed or the lawn, I run to it, kneel down and gently lift the base leaves to get a firm grasp on the stem where it emerges from the soil, and yank it out by the roots. It is one of the most singularly satisfying experiences in an otherwise unsatisfying routine...an area in which victory is achieved, and my will reigns supreme...until the next battle.